Feelings of Inadequacy

Sometimes we look around us and we see that everybody else is better than we are. They succeed. They have better relationships. They have better bodies, better jobs, their children are better behaved and they are better parents..

Is this true?

What gives us this impression?

Is it that we see the world as it is around us or is something else happening?

There are times when things go wrong, relationships break down, jobs are lost, homes are lost. At these times seeing others as doing better than us is probably appropriate. We really are suffering.

Other times there may be something else going on. No matter how good things are, how good things get, how much others value us, sometimes we fail to notice as our own feelings of inadequacy are more powerful. No matter how many times somebody tells us that we are good enough for them, shows us that it’s true through their actions and behaviours, we may still feel that we are not.

This feeling is out of date, from the past. Something that we picked up at some point and find difficult to put back down. We hold on to it and it defines us and the world around us.

Sometimes we turn it outwards and we attack the world for demanding us to be more than we feel we are. And yet is the world demanding that? Or are we demanding of ourselves something that is unnecessary?

Maybe we are already enough.

Working with a therapist we can explore these questions and maybe even come to an understanding of where and when we picked up these feelings. Working towards developing a new sense of self within which feelings of inadequacy can subside, be put down and return them to their place, so that a confidence that we are good enough can begin to grow.

 

Author: Steve Hughes

I am an integrative counsellor and a registered member of the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy. I work both privately and in local charity.

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